16 Scenarios: Assumptions and Misunderstandings About Family Diversity

Michael’s Supportive Network

As an early interventionist working with Michael, you are scheduled to see him and his family one hour every Tuesday morning. However, you find that when you arrive at the house each week, you are not sure which caregiver will be present. Over the past two months, you have met Michael’s mom, dad, grandmother, uncle, neighbor, and babysitter. While you find it wonderful that Michael’s parents do not cancel sessions and you have been able to meet so many adults that are important in Michael’s life, you are also finding it difficult to establish a relationship with anyone/ everyone. Sometimes you can discuss and debrief about strategies that were discussed in the previous week, and sometimes the adult there is not aware of these strategies or goals/ priorities. You want to make sure that your support is meaningful to Michael’s family, but you are not sure how to do that.

• How do you get to know Michael’s family and their priorities?

• What biases might you have about Michael’s family? How do you recognize these biases?

Donuts with Dad and Muffins with Mom

Noa is a precocious five-year-old, excitedly asking questions in class, standing up to the biggest kid when they say something unkind about her “friend,” and planning intricate games that require a great deal of imagination on the playground. This Friday, Noa’s teacher notices that she is unusually quiet and seems to spend time with a classmate, Isaiah, who she isn’t particularly close to. Isaiah’s behavior also seems  different to their teacher. Usually, he happily chats with the other boys and enthusiastically engages in reading, writing, and music. On this day, he too seems quieter and spends time only with Noa, instead of the other boys. It seems strange to the adults who know them since it was a planned fun day. In the afternoon, all of the dads are invited to join the class for donuts! This was planned as a monthly event. When the guests of honor arrive, the grown-ups realize that Noa and Isaiah’s fathers are not present.

Noa and her mom were at the library earlier in the year and Isaiah and his moms were there for the same children’s author event. When their teachers told them about Donuts with Dad, Noa remembered meeting Isaiah’s moms. Her other friends with two moms didn’t have a dad and her own mother read her books about families with different variations of important adults instead of only books that featured the traditional family with one mother and one father. Noa asked Isaiah if she could sit with him because her dad wasn’t going to attend. The two of them spent that day supporting each other in the best way that five-year-olds know how: quietly talking and avoiding the event in which they couldn’t fully participate.

• What biases do the professionals have about family structures?
• How might you create more inclusive family events without losing the intent of these types of activities?

David and His Children

David Wilson works in the construction industry and is a single father of two children, Sophia and Davey. The Wilson family lives in a small urban community. Sophia just entered the 6th grade at Northside Middle School and Davey is in the 3rd grade at Rosa Parks Elementary. Miss Jackie, their neighbor, takes care of Sophia and Davey each day after school, in addition to two other children, ages two and four, that she watches all day. David picks up the Wilson children at approximately 6:00 each evening.

Miss Jackie is somewhat able to help with homework, but it is not the only activity happening in the afternoon at her house. Davey’s teacher sent a meeting request home in Davey’s backpack. Since Davey had finished his homework at Miss Jackie’s house, David did not see the meeting request for two days. Davey’s teacher then left a voicemail for David. After she hung up the phone, she commented to a fellow teacher, “I just don’t know why David isn’t involved in Davey’s education.”

• What assumption was just made?

• How else can we learn more about David and his responsibilities?

• Who else is involved in Davey and Sophia’s daily life?

Scenario Discussion

In each of these scenarios, we gain a glimpse into the ways that families function and the differences across families. Before we go farther, we want to highlight a primary assumption that guides our work: families want the best for their children. While each family may define what is best differently, understanding that most adults want to do right by children is central to interactions with them^[1].