Parenting Styles

Parenting Styles

Relationships between parents and children continue to play a significant role in children’s development during early childhood. We will explore two models of parenting styles. Keep in mind that most parents do not follow any model completely. Real people tend to fall somewhere in between these styles. And sometimes parenting styles change from one child to the next or in times when the parent has more or less time and energy for parenting. Parenting styles can also be affected by concerns the parent has in other areas of their life. For example, parenting styles tend to become more authoritarian when parents are tired and perhaps more authoritative when they are more energetic. Sometimes parents seem to change their parenting approach when others are around, maybe because they become more self-conscious as parents or are concerned with giving others the impression that they are a “tough” parent or an “easy-going” parent. And of course, parenting styles may reflect the type of parenting someone saw modeled while growing up.

Baumrind’s Parenting Styles

The way parents influence the social development of young children was first studied by Diana Baumrind, who identified three unique approaches to parenting based on their degree of warmth and structure (Baumrind, 1966, 1971). These parenting styles differ in the levels of strictness and warmth shown to children (Maccoby & Martin, 1983)

One of the original three styles identified by Baumrind (1966) was authoritarian parenting and is characterized by a high level of structure, meaning the parents provide boundaries, rules, and discipline to their children, but also a low level of warmth. These parents can be described as taking a rules-focused approach; they prioritize having their children follow rules and obey adult directions. Authoritarian parents are less likely to negotiate with their children and instead direct and demand, without leaving room for compromise. A metaphor for the authoritarian parent is the brick wall—it is firm and has no give—which reflects how such a parent might be inflexible and uncompromising. Children of authoritarian parents may become wary around authority figures and hesitant to speak up for themselves when there are misunderstandings, or they may become more likely to rebel as they grow older. However, in some situations, a strong protective figure may be helpful.

The term authoritative parenting refers to a more democratic, less rigid, and more gentle than authoritarian parenting. In this second parenting style characterized by Baumrind, parents take a relationship-focused approach in which they provide a moderate to high level of structure for their children, but also a high level of warmth and emotional support. Authoritative parents are more likely to talk things out with their children, model communication and conflict resolution skills, and offer explanations for their rules and disciplinary practices. A metaphor for the authoritative parent is a drum—it is firm but also flexible—which reflects the way such a parent is responsive and reactive to the needs of their child while still providing boundaries. Children of authoritative parents tend to develop skills related to compromising, coping, and understanding the needs of others (Haslam et a., 2020).

Baumrind’s third parenting style is permissive parenting and describes parents who display high levels of warmth but low levels of structure. These parents often take a child-focused approach to making decisions and navigating conflict. They often prioritize ensuring their child’s happiness by providing rewards, stimulation, and praise, and avoiding discipline and punishment. They are less likely to refuse their child’s requests and often relax their own guidelines to fit the child’s preferences. A metaphor for the permissive parent is gelatin dessert—it is highly moldable and movable without a defined shape or form—representing how such a parent will change themselves to please their child. Children of permissive parents may struggle to form compromise and conflict resolution skills (Tavassolie et al., 2016), particularly because they are accustomed to having things their way.

A fourth parenting type, uninvolved parenting, was not identified by Baumrind but was added by Maccoby and Martin (1983). This style is characterized by low structure and low warmth. Uninvolved parents tend to provide little attention, discipline, or support for their children and take a parents-focused approach. They often prioritize their own experience with little regard for the child, which is why this parenting style is sometimes referred to as neglectful parenting. Sometimes uninvolved parenting arises due to unforeseen circumstances, like major medical, economic, or domestic concerns that are beyond a parent’s control. Sometimes parents are struggling with mental health concerns, addictions, or substance misuse. Other times they are just disengaged, perhaps due to an unwanted pregnancy or custody placement. A metaphor for an uninvolved parent is a ghost—someone who is often absent in their children’s lives. Children of uninvolved parents grow up with little guidance and are at risk of forming negative coping strategies, behavioral patterns, and developmental outcomes. These children can suffer in school and in their relationships with their peers (Majumder, 2016).

Video 13.2 – 4 Parenting Styles and Their Effects on You

The most important thing to remember about parenting is that you can be a better, more objective parent when you are directing your actions toward the child’s needs while considering what they can reasonably be expected to do at their stage of development. Parenting is more difficult when you are tired and have psychological needs that interfere with the relationship. Some of the best advice for parents is to try not to take the child’s actions personally, and be as objective as possible.

Culture and Parenting

Parenting styles incorporate and reflect many elements of culture. The role of parenting is filled by many different people (i.e., parents, grandparents, siblings, extended family, communities) and in ways that are both similar and different across countries, cultures, subcultures within countries, and historical periods (Lansford, 2022). People parent children and adolescents who come to them through many pathways, including biological, adopted, foster, nieces, nephews, grandchildren, and neighborhood children. Parenting also takes place in many different kinds of families (Imrie & Golombok, 2020; McHale & Sirotkin, 2019).

Many explanations have been suggested for cultural differences in childrearing styles (Lansford, 2022). For example, the model of parenting described above assumes that the authoritative style is the best because this style is designed to help the parent raise a child who is independent, self-reliant, and responsible. These are qualities favored in individualistic cultures such as the United States, particularly by the middle class. However, in collectivistic cultures such as China or Korea, being obedient and compliant are favored behaviors, and result in positive socio-emotional outcomes for children (Yim, 2022).

As another example, authoritarian parenting was more common in the past and may reflect a cultural need for children to do as they are told. African-American, Hispanic, and Asian heritage parents, as well as those who are working class or poor, tend to be more authoritarian than non-Hispanic middle class whites.

Early explanations for these differences were relatively mechanistic and focused on the kinds of job for which children from different classes, races, and ethnicities were being prepared. For example, in a study on social class and parenting styles, Kohn (1977) posited that parents tend to emphasize qualities that are needed for their own jobs. Working class parents are rewarded for being obedient, reliable, and honest in their jobs. Consequently, these parents reward honesty, dependability, and obedience in their children. Middle class parents who work as professionals are rewarded for taking initiative, being self-directed, and assertive in their jobs. These parents encourage their children to have those qualities as well by rewarding independence and self-reliance.

A More Inclusive Culturally-attuned Perspective on Parenting Styles

However, in recent decades, researchers have expanded their explanations to include a more agentic view of parents from low income, Black, Hispanic, Indigenous, and immigrant communities; as well as a more complex consideration of the often hazardous societal forces that parents are contending with, and also raising their children to deal with (Lenhardt, 2021; Manning, 2021). These researchers highlight culturally relevant parenting approaches that include resilient, strengths-based, trauma-informed practices (Smith et al., 2022). Such practices have also been included in evidence-based parenting programs (e.g., Barton et al., 2018; Lavner et al., 2020).

When studying parents and families, and especially when examining parenting practices that seem problematic, it is essential to view them in context. Some practices, for example, extremely strict parenting, are connected with authoritarian styles (a combination of high demands for obedience with low warmth and affection) and undesirable outcomes in white middle class children and youth. In other racial/ethnic groups, however, extremely strict parenting is often accompanied by high parental warmth and affection. This style, sometimes called protective parenting, combines the strict and demanding aspects of an authoritarian style with the warmth and affection of authoritative parenting (Lei et al., 2021). Children and adolescents may see their parents as demanding but fair, their behavior grounded in love and genuine concern for their welfare (Rious et al., 2019).

Another example can be found in an indigenous practice endorsed by native and immigrant Chinese parents called “training,” which is rooted in Confucian tradition and emphasizes strict parental control and guidance of children’s behaviors through parental devotion, involvement, and monitoring (Chao, 2000). These combinations did not appear in Baumrind’s studies but may be a good fit for some Black, Hispanic, immigrant, and low income families.

In these cases, “strict” parenting may have different consequences. Extrapolating from findings on these dimensions of parenting, this style may provide children and adolescents with the parental involvement and support they need for healthy functioning and development (e.g., a secure attachment, self-confidence, emotional maturity) at the same time instilling the self-regulation, compliance, and responsibility they will need to negotiate an often hostile world (e.g., neighborhood, school, criminal justice system).

Such parenting styles may also have different antecedents, within communities of color and immigrant communities, parents may prioritize keeping children safe under dangerous conditions where disobedience can have serious consequences.