Chapter 12: Play and Peer Relationships
Adolescent Peer Relationships
Adolescent Peer Relationships
Brain development in adolescence supports a heightened interest in peers and other social cues, and an increased sensitivity to the rewards they can offer. The sophisticated new skills that come with these cognitive developments allow teens to apply increasingly advanced reasoning about social experiences, including hypothetical ones like, “Everyone is watching” (Elkind’s concept of the imaginary audience). Many developmental tasks facing adolescents is a gradual turning outward from the family and toward society at large (Havighurst, 1973; Manning, 2002). Peers and peer relations become a transitional force allowing adolescents to do just that (Brown & Larson, 2009; Rubin et al., 2006).
Against the backdrop of these developments, society also purposefully restructures the environment of adolescents, who spend one-third or more of each weekday in school where they interact with their peers almost every day. Adolescence, then, is a time of heightened sociability, often beyond the direct supervision of parents or other adults. Through friendships as well as membership in peer groupings of different sizes, adolescents build and maintain a reputation, gain status within the larger group, and climb the social ladder.
Friendships
A friendship is an intimate, emotionally close relationship between two individuals (Brown & Larson, 2009). Friendships form based on similar interests such as music or sports and may dissipate if those interests change over time. However, as adolescence progresses, and as individuals actively explore and form their identity, friendships tend to become more stable and enduring. Intimacy is a key feature of friendship, and in a psychological sense it means making ourself vulnerable to another.
Especially in early and midadolescence, friendships can be exclusive and intense, relying on trust and mutual support. Later in adolescence, this intensity is often transferred to a romantic relationship (Costello et al., 2023; Wesche et al., 2023). Research in multiple countries has consistently found that males tend to share personal information with a single best friend, whereas females tend to disclose evenly among their close friends (Ko et al., 2015; Kitts & Leal, 2021). However, it does vary. For example, male students at a Japanese university reported sharing more personal information with close friends than female students did (Fankhauser, 2018). This was true overall and for specific topics. The study used two different measures of self-disclosure, both showing similar results, especially in cross-gender friendships. It also found that feeling close to a friend and trusting the friendship’s stability were linked to more self-disclosure (Fankhauser, 2018). These findings highlight the role friendships serve: adolescents switch some of their needs for social and emotional support from their parents to close friends, and in turn these needs for intimacy are also brought into romantic relationships later on.
Cliques
A close group of three to a dozen or so friends is called a clique (Brown & Larson, 2009). Cliques serve many functions for developing adolescents. First, they break the larger social environment into one of more manageable size and offer a context in which much socialization (“hanging out”) occurs, both within and outside the school setting. They also provide a source of emotional support for members, as well as a sense of belonging and encouragement (McFarland et al., 2014). For example, a group of close-knit friends in a clique who share similar interests, such as skateboarding or a science club, can be there to listen and offer advice during challenging times. When a teen is stressed about an upcoming exam, their clique might organize a study session to help all members prepare, boosting both academic performance and emotional well-being. And they can offer encouragement and celebrate each other’s successes, such as cheering on a member at a competition or congratulating them on a good achievement in the classroom.
An analysis of adolescents from about 170 secondary school classrooms asked students to identify the cliques in their school and nominate peers as members of each (Pattisellano et al., 2015). First, the study found the average size of a clique was just shy of six members (5.72, to be exact). Second, researchers discovered that some cliques have a status hierarchy, while others are more equality driven, or egalitarian (Pattisellano et al., 2015). Peer status matters in the larger social context of the adolescent world because both aggression and prosocial (helping) behavior are related to social standing. Thus, being a member of a higher-status clique could offer protection against aggression from others, while being a member of a low-status clique could be disadvantageous.
The term relational aggression refers to the practice of including or excluding others or otherwise threatening a sense of belonging such as by spreading gossip. It was associated more with egalitarian cliques. This makes sense, though; one purpose of a social hierarchy is to spell out exactly where everyone stands in relation to one another. In an egalitarian group this is not as easy to discern, and when members are striving for status, an increase in aggression can result. More prosocial behavior toward other members was found within hierarchical groups, as was increased aggression toward other cliques (Kwon & Lease, 2007, Zhao & Li, 2022). This result shows both the function and the power of cliques—to support those within the group, and to advocate for social standing against other groups.
Crowds
A larger social grouping in the social milieu of adolescents is called a crowd, and it can have many dozens of members, not all of whom are necessarily friends or even know each other. Crowds can be made up of different cliques and often form around various activities, interests, aspects of youth culture (such as anime), or members’ personality characteristics, social status, or reputation (Brown & Larson, 2009; Figure 12.10). Common crowd names in U.S. high schools include “populars,” “jocks,” “brains,” and “normals” (Crabbe, et al., 2019). The names of crowds may change, but the presence of these common themes in crowds has been around for quite some time.
How do individuals become part of a crowd during adolescence? Crowds come together through both selection (people with similar values, interests, and experiences find each other) and socialization (members reinforce shared attitudes and behaviors to uphold their identity and sense of belonging). Research suggests that academic orientation, athleticism, and physical appearance are among the primary characteristics through which teens sort themselves from an early age onward (Brown & Larson, 2009), and that ethnic and racial group membership are not (Brown et al., 2008). One way to think of crowds and cliques is that crowds exist as part of the large social backdrop of adolescence, while actual peer relationships occur within and between cliques and friendships.
For most adolescents, the way their peers view them is very important, and not being accepted can lead to problems like relational aggression and poor academic performance (Lorijn et al., 2022). Girls are especially likely to worry about conflicts and being rejected by their peers (Chesney-Lind & Irwin, 2008). Girls who feel rejected often seek attention and form cliques to feel accepted (Hamilton, 2010). Popular students may act aggressively because they believe their high status protects them from negative consequences. Within these cliques, teens join the same activities and spend free time together, creating a strong social network. In contrast, less popular students interact less with their classmates and have fewer close friends. Overall, teen friendships help organize social interactions in the classroom, affecting teen mental health and behavior (Casper et al., 2020; Long et al., 2021).
Peer Social Risks
Teens who struggle to find a social group often face significant isolation and loneliness, which are linked to various negative outcomes including increased risk of depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem (Laursen & Hartl, 2013). Social isolation can also hinder academic performance and school engagement, since the peer support that can encourage and motivate the individual is lacking (Wentzel, 2005). Feelings of exclusion can also arise, and the absence of support increases the likelihood of engaging in harmful behaviors as a coping mechanism (Hawkley & Capitanio, 2015). For example, teenagers who feel isolated and lack positive social connections often seek acceptance in alternative groups, which can include gangs (Dmitrieva et al., 2014). Gangs offer a sense of community and identity, though through engagement in deviant behaviors. Addressing social isolation in teens and providing positive social support systems through parents, teachers, mentors, and community programs are critical to prevent gang involvement as well as promote overall well-being and teen mental health.
Romantic Relationships and Dating
All the social, physical, emotional, and cognitive developments that occur during adolescence create new ways for us to relate to one another within a romantic relationship. A romantic relationship is a bond psychologically distinct from mere liking and includes components of affection, intimacy, exclusivity, and interdependence (Aron et al., 2006).
Most adolescents enter into at least one romantic relationship during their teenage years, as part of the larger trend of shifting their focus from their family of origin toward peers and the larger society (Brown, 2004; Collins, 2003; Sorensen, 2007). Romantic relationships offer the developing adolescent space to explore what it means to be vulnerable (intimate) and connected to another individual, and to find a new source of support and comfort from a peer (Jorgensen-Wells, et al., 2021). They also provide valuable experience in relating to others in a way that will become a major focus in early adulthood.
Attachment
Our internal working models of relationships provide us with scripts, including what we can expect from a relationship and how others are likely to behave. With these models, adolescents bring their full relationship and attachment history into their first (and subsequent) romantic relationships.
According to Hazan & Shaver (1987), both the ability to enter romantic relationships and the quality of those relationships are also connected to an individual’s attachment history. Individuals with a secure attachment history bring several assets to an adolescent romantic relationship. These include effective communication skills like listening and sharing, appropriate emotional expression, the ability to assert and negotiate needs and expectations, and the capacity to seek support from and provide it to a partner (Carroll et al., 2007; Halford, 2011). Such individuals also show skill in approaching others, forming intimate connections, and benefiting from such connections. They exhibit greater warmth and understanding and use a more constructive approach to resolving disputes (Tan et al., 2016), which is essential because conflicts within a romantic relationship often arouse strong emotions.
Adolescents who have developed insecure attachment styles, including anxious-preoccupied (termed “ambivalent” in childhood) and avoidant, bring different experiences, expectations, and skill sets to their first romantic relationships (Brar et al., 2023; Choi et al., 2022; Dinero et al., 2008; Stavropoulos et al., 2018). Those with an anxious-preoccupied attachment history are interested in forming romantic relationships and enter such relationships eagerly. However, because of the inconsistent support and confusing mix of disappointment and frustration in their previous relationships, they often lack the confidence that a romantic relationship will bring all the benefits they are hoping for. Instead, they may seek frequent reassurance from their partner about their commitment and support. Romantic partners in turn often experience this need for reassurance as clinginess and may try to distance themselves emotionally. Ironically, this reaction is exactly what the internal working model of someone with anxious-preoccupied attachment predicts. Any resulting distancing, rejection, or breakup reinforces that model.
Adolescents with an avoidant attachment history don’t expect much from a romantic relationship, are overly self-reliant, and approach close relationships with skepticism and worry. These expectations often color their experience of early romantic relationships: any instance of dissatisfaction leads them to withdraw, further reinforcing their internal working model (Stavropoulos, et al., 2018).
A central tenet of attachment theory, however, is that partnering with someone who has a secure attachment style can benefit individuals with an anxious-preoccupied or avoidant attachment history. For instance, research shows that teenagers who engage in positive peer relationships, receive mentoring, and experience supportive school environments can develop healthy attachments and show resilience despite early challenges with unhealthy attachment patterns (Grossmann et al., 2005). Thus, we see the potential for positive development and reworking of the insecurely attached individual’s internal working model within the context of romantic relationships.
Dating Violence and Unhealthy Relationships
Teen interpersonal health risks often stem from their socioemotional needs for dating and establishing romantic relationships with appropriate peers. Romantic relationships are crucial for socioemotional development because they help to develop intimacy skills and shape identity and autonomy (Connolly & McIsaac, 2009). However, they can also generate intense emotions and conflicts, sometimes with the potential for teen dating violence (TDV). The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (2024) defines dating violence as a variety of unsafe behaviors inflicted on a partner. Psychological dating violence includes manipulative actions aimed at indirectly harming the partner. Physical dating violence can range from pushing and slapping to more severe acts like beating, kicking, or strangling. Sexual TDV includes forced sexual activities, from unwanted touching to forced penetration. Stalking is a pattern of repeated, unwanted attention and contact by a current or former partner that causes fear or safety concerns for an individual or someone close to them (CDC, 2024).
Many adolescents report experiencing violence in their romantic relationships. Data from the 2011–2021 Youth Risk Behavior Surveys show significant rates of these experiences among U.S. high school students, with notable disparities affecting females, racial and ethnic minorities, and sexual minority youths (Basil et al., 2020). In 2021, 8.5 percent reported physical dating violence, 9.7 percent reported sexual dating violence, 11.0 percent reported sexual violence, 15 percent experienced bullying at school, and 15.9 percent faced electronic bullying (Clayton, 2023). A meta-analysis by Wincentak et al. (2017) found that 20 percent of teens aged thirteen to eighteen years have experienced physical dating violence, and 9 percent have experienced sexual dating violence. Given how common dating violence is, and the severity of its effects including psychological distress, suicidal thoughts, and post-traumatic symptoms (Exner-Cortens et al., 2013; Hébert et al., 2017), it is now seen as a serious public health problem. A recent study of late-stage adolescents’ views on romantic relationships found that while teens can identify healthy and unhealthy relationship traits, some find it hard to see jealousy and possessiveness as negative behaviors, often mistaking them for signs of strong interest (Brar et al., 2023). Programs promoting healthy dating behaviors, clarifying unhealthy traits, teaching respectful conflict resolution, and encouraging intervention in abusive situations can benefit all teens (Foshee et al., 2014).
Teen dating violence, sexual violence, and bullying during adolescence are linked to health and behavioral issues in adulthood. Victimized teens may engage in risky behaviors like substance misuse or develop eating disorders as coping mechanisms (Batchelder et al., 2022). Studies also indicate that TDV is longitudinally associated with increasing high-risk behaviors, such as marijuana and alcohol use, and poor mental health outcomes (Piolanti et al., 2023). Trauma can also impair academic performance and social relationships, leading to isolation (Cava et al., 2020) and further emotional distress. Addressing these risks requires comprehensive sex and relationship education, preventative socioemotional health services, and accessible intervention support to ensure teens can establish and maintain healthy, respectful relationships. For instance, the reality of TDV should be included in school curricula focused on sex and relationship education. Schools must commit to fostering a violence-free social environment and encourage bystander intervention (Banyard et al., 2020).
Check Your Understanding
